dissertationabstract

Dissertation Abstract

"Thai Chinese Christian fathers in raising their teenagers

according to God’s will"

This is an abstract from the Dissertation presented to the Faculty of the Hong Kong Learning Center of the Asia Baptist Graduate Theological Seminary in partial fulfillment for the Degree of Doctor of Ministry by Lers Thisayakorn on January 2008

A typical book on fatherhood written by Psychologists, Child experts and Sociologists would view child raising subjectively as a duty, task, responsibility, challenge, or a desire, a fulfillment. Writers would say “we want our children to be successful and we want our investment worthy”. “We” is the center of child raising and “We” is the key in our effort to do so.

Another common phenomenon in these books is the methods, steps, offered in achieving the task. Most of the books I have read are written not only from pure knowledge, but from rich personal experiences in raising their own kids. They wrote with life illustrations, humorous and realistic anecdotes. Most authors would explore what it means to be father and offer advices for taking children through stages of growth, infancy, preschool, grade school, early adolescence, teens ….. Only few books offer theories and guidelines in fathering.

Christian literatures on fatherhood, in the other way, hinge their teachings on God on top of researches and experiences. From the Biblical point of view, God himself is our Father. We pray: Our Father in Heaven (Matt. 6:9). . . . and call ourselves children of God. Even Jesus portraits the Father - son picture in His Prodigal son parable (Luke 15).

Christian’s books would look at two important aspects in Fatherhood. One is the attributes of God as being a Father himself as has just mentioned. Second is to look at His will in wanting the earthly fathers to do in raising their boys and girls. There may be variation in details but the principle is similar. This is natural as they all come from the same Biblical source.

In my research work of Chinese Christian fathers in Thailand, I found most fathers are good. They all love God and love to see God’s will in the lives of their teenagers. Everyone wants their children to grow up not only to be a good member of the society, but they must experience and serve God. This is simply because most of the interviewees are church leaders and leading a good Christian life.

I do find that Pastor and Bible teachers are better fathers than Deacons and church members. Better in a sense that they know more Bible and God’s will on teens and are able to apply them in raising their teens. Pastor would want to lead their children to Christ through personal teaching, guiding, life witnessing, etc. They would want to have home fellowship, prayer session, and group devotion while others expect the Church to do all these tasks for them. Some do not even know God bestows the ultimate authority on father in raising their teens and relinquish such power to mothers.

Time wise, Ministers spend a much bigger portion of time with their teens and develop a closer relation with them. Others, especially those with business background, leans more to quality time spending together. They face not only the constraint of time in tending the business but also a busy mind with so many thinking subjects.

One thing that surprises me is the discovery in my interview that all the interviewees are conservative persons. They all dislike risk taking and prefer to do things in a safe way. I certainly can appreciate those who are in the Ministry. But for those in the business field, it is rather unusual not to take risk. For the nature of the business is risk taking. May be this is just a common phenomenon of business Christians. We may need to do another research paper to ascertain this new found hypothesis.

There is also a general superior sense of being a Chinese Christian fathers. Many (more than half of the interviewees) speak out loud and clear of their feelings. A few respond with politeness and cautions for fear of being arrogant and racist. But they too have the same sense of superiority. I still can detect their “we are better” inner feelings. One sample opts not to confront this subject and avoid the question totally. But again, his subconscious superiority sense is prevailed throughout the interview.

Disciplining is also an area of different opinion. There is no doubt that all agree to discipline but the way to put into exercise is another story. One would agree to use the rod and stick. The other would oppose it strongly. This is due to the different interpretation of the verses in Proverbs. Some do it literally while others do them figuratively. It may also be the cause of each individual childhood experiences in being disciplined. The research and analysis point to a fifty-fifty stand on the practice.

All interviewees are in unicord of voicing the importance of father Ministry and feel an urge to apply it in the church. Notwithstanding, none of the church they are attending is doing any father ministry. Each of them has a reason as to why it is not being implemented. One cites the reason he is not a Pastor and has no authority to do so. One prefers not to say anything on it. One says he does not think there will be any attendance and we should not start no matter how good it is. One says we do not have any qualified Minister on the subject in Thailand.

Prior to the interview, I thought people would give many examples of good father from the Bible. I am totally astonished to learn from the interviews that all of the samples do not think so. They do not think there is one single good father they can take model of. The reason given is that all Biblical fathers are merely human being and cannot be considered as good. Come to think of it now, they do have a point there.

The understanding of the word “Teen” or “Teenager” is also vague and sometimes confusing. This may due to the lack of the word-Teenager in the Bible and proper church teaching. Some define them by ages between 10- 30. Some categorize them by the nature and character of the person, for e.g. “those who are studying; those who are working. Some by the personal status like singleness. And so you can be a teenager if you are still unmarried at the age of 30 or over. Some go by the Thai word such as ““Kids”-กลุ่มเด็ก, “Junior”- ยุวชน, “Youth”- อนุชน. And you are a teen if you join in the “Youth” group regardless of other factors.

One of the unanimity found in all of the fathers being interviewed is the inadequate sense of being a perfect father. Somehow, somewhere, and somewhat they all think they still fall short of raising their teens in according to God’s will. Pastor, Bible teachers and Deacons alike are all say there is still room for them to improve. Many regret they repeatedly fail to do what is supposed to as a Godly father. One said he regrets each time after he reprimanded his son senselessly when he sees his boy not doing something he likes or dislikes. He keeps asking God to let him have more patience in guiding his son than bursting out in his authoritarian fatherhood style. He promises God he would not do it but time and again he simply cannot keep his promises. One interviewee regrets he can never refuse giving unnecessary material thing to his only teen when being asked. He fears this might eventually spoil and harm his teen.

It is estimated that 30 % of men today do not speak to their father. Thirty percent have a “prickly” or hostile and difficult relationship.” A survey done in USA suggested that the average time that father spend talking to their children is a mere three minutes per day”.

The Chinese churches certainly have this predicament of father-son intimacy from the Confucius teaching on fatherhood. To say teaching may not be at all accurate, it is more of a kind of Chinese culture for it was seeded over two thousand years ago in our society. The root is so deep we can still see the traces now.

Perhaps this is the reason why most of the Chinese interviewees see no single good father in the Bible when being asked the first time. When I pressured, some would reluctantly settle for Abraham. My guess would be that they do not have an intimate relation with their fathers themselves and find it hard to associate to any good father in the Bible.

What then is a Christian father in raising his children in according to God’s will?

We all know the greatest commandment in the Scripture is this:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5).

Going back to verse 2, and we read:

“...so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live….”

The following verses state,

“These commandments I give you today are to be upon your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (verses 6-7). “

The very important message in this passage is that the prime responsibility of a Christian father at home is to witness to his own children of God. It is nice to spend plenty of quality time with your children and do all sorts of activities together. But mostly, we should, we must, we have to, we ought to, and we need is to testify God to our children because it is a Biblical commandment. If we look on to another important passage of raising children in the Bible, Proverbs, and 22:6 reads, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”

“To train”, or “to dedicate” as in Kings 8:63 is to make offer or sacrificial to the Lord, in “the way” or God’s way as in Prov. 4:11 or God Himself in Jn. 14:6. God simply wants all fathers to put his child before Him early in life so that he will be with the Lord the rest of his life.

When we turn to the New Testament, we see the next instruction God has on us all Christian fathers in relation to rear up our children. Ephesians 6:4 says:

“Fathers, do not …... instead, bring them up in the training and

instruction of the Lord.”

Not only that the Lord wants fathers to witness God to their children in their early lives, they should also educate them, bring them up, develop their conduct in accordance to God’s will. In short it is to guide them in God’s word or Bible. “All Scripture is given of God, and is profitable for teaching, reproving, correcting, and instruction in righteousness; that the man (or woman) of God may be completely equipped for all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16, 17). Teach our children the Word of God.

In sum and to me, to be success in all aspects of life, but to fail in raising up our children as a Christian father, is in before Him – FAIL, FAIL, and FAIL. My conclusion in this research paper, thus, is “Christian fatherhood is a life process of teaching our children about God, guiding them to walk in His Biblical way, and at the same time, following up to see that they are living in according to God’s will in all the time we have and all the possible ways we can.”

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